Oliver Jones’ Diary


Oliver Jones lives and works in London and has nystagmus. Some of the names in his diary entries below have been changed.

Saturday, March 1, 2008
To the cinema to see “There will be blood”. Usual frustrating discussion at the ticket desk. How on earth can a computer know what the best seat is for me? Finally managed to persuade jobsworth behind the desk to over-ride the system and sell us a couple of tickets near the front and on the right-hand side. She started out by offering us premium or gold or some such nonsense seats at the back. And we’d have to pay more for them! Amazing how often in this supposed era of choice, it’s a case of one size fits all. Anyway, enjoyed the film. Only the fourth one Daniel Day-Lewis has been in over the last 10 years. Wish I could get away with doing so little work.

Saturday, March 15, 2008
Well, that’s a first. Denied access to a pub on the grounds I’d been taking drugs. Went with the rest of the Bull Brothers derivatives settlement team for a few drinks after work on Friday. Not surprisingly after one of the worst weeks even the old lags had ever seen, we all felt the need to thoroughly immerse our sorrows. I did little more than sprinkle mine. As we headed into our second pub of the evening, a bouncer who could well be in line to replace Arnie as governor of California stopped me dead. He said my wobbly eyes were clearly proof that I was on something. Trying to explain that I had nystagmus cut no ice at all.

Friday, March 21, 2008
Good Friday, Bad Food. Back to Liverpool to stay with Em’s parents for the weekend. Went for a meal in a new bistro in the Albert Dock. New waitress too – first day on the job. She asked how I wanted my steak done. Bit of a surprise as I’d ordered steak pie. Once the pie arrived, it became clear that it was probably the chef’s first day too. Still at least the menus were legible.

Monday, March 24, 2008
As usual Em’s mum asked when was I going to learn to drive. She knows I can’t, so doesn’t think I’m good enough for her daughter. She trotted out the old line from Maggie Thatcher about any man still using buses when he’s 26 being a failure. Em’s dad came to the rescue, if only because he absolutely loathes Thatcher. How those two stay married beats me.

Monday, April 14, 2008
How cool is that! Doctor Who uses a monocular. Well, his sonic screwdriver doubles as a monocular. That’s what it looked like anyway.

Saturday, May 3
Occasionally not being able to drive is a pain. Went back to Bristol to see the parents at the weekend. Being the driver and a morning person, Em decided we would start early. So 6 am we were in the car with Em trying to convince me that this is the best time of day. Grudgingly agreed that it was a pleasant day, but added that it would be even more pleasant if it had started a couple of hours later.

Em kept pointing things out along the route, including an urban fox sunning itself on a shed roof. Reminded her that I don't see well at the best of times. Hurtling along in a car when I should still have been dozing under the duvet was definitely not the best of times. Also reminded her that the fox was on the right side of the road, the side where I see even worse than normal. Not that any of my vision is normal.

© Oliver Jones, 2008

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